Well tomorrow or today I guess, I will once again make an attempt at doing something to change my life. There are multiple aims for this one being to be better and another is to forget.

The coming changes is in relation to having that clean break I am sick of people telling me i need. I honestly don’t want it, because then i lose the most important person in my life for the last 6 or 7 years and I lose the only person I can really talk to. So now begins a heap of unhealthy habits. I am either going to sleep way too much and neglect everything or as I am going to attempt, lose myself in exercise and lack of sleep. I don’t want it, have no idea if I need it, but I’m guess this time it isn’t up to me, I can only assume that he does want and need it. I can’t cut him from my life, it isn’t possible, I am still packing away his stuff and my house is full of his things. Some days I feel like that I’m obsessed and that I am hoping for things that are impossible and stupid. Like how I hope he is reading this and know its stupid because no one is reading this. Fuck I am sick of crying, my emotions have been highly strung for the last month now.

Now lets see if I can drag myself out of bed in four hours and get myself out of this house and into doing something useful for once in my life.

Bleh – The feeling of boredom, nothingness and an overall feeling of unsatisfactory feelings.

My lifde at the moment is a total b;eh moment. I don’t feel all that great, feeling kinda shit and sick for a week now and today my back and all that goes with it has been playing up and spasming. Overall not so fun.

Uni has totally been all bleh, well the nice good ‘I’m going to do well’ feelings have lasted 3 weeks and now are replaced with ‘why do I do this shit?’ feelings.

Once again not good.

Well this is my first post. There have been some changes, but no one visits I’d imagine so no one will notice. This was originally going to be a book review site, until I discovered that I was crap at doing those. So now it is going to be a place for me to vent and to get things of my chest. I don’t think anyone is ever going to read this so I’m going to be brutally honest in what I and even though I won’t use names I’m sure you’ll know if I am talking about you.

I was working on a small proposal that was due this morning, well I tried anyway. Damn uni servers went down and I couldn’t access the library which meant that I couldn’t get access to the databases which of course mean t that I couldn’t do part of said proposal! Damn site only came up for me at 9.15 this morning and the proposal was due at 10. So not happy. As it was I wrote some bullshit and got to uni 5 mins late to hand it in, thankfully they hadn’t collected them yet so I was able to hand it in on time.

As it is, I am very tired today due to lack of sleep because I went to bed late and woke up really early to do this damn proposal that I couldn’t even complete! Now I am kinda bored and I really want to sleep , but I want to go to bed at a good hour, so I don’t want to sleep now and screw that up. Grr how annoying.